Treading on eggshells or a bull in a china shop?

A primer for how to respond to news about organisational closures.

In recent years there have been a proliferation of blogs and books about how to be a good friend to people who have lost a loved one. This is a blog about how to have better conversations with people who are facing, navigating or processing the end of an organisation’s life, and in doing so how you might be helping to build a thriving and more regenerative civil society. 

By Iona Lawrence (Co-Founder of The Decelerator) & Zoe Stanton (Design Consultant)

Organisational endings - not just the closure of an organisation but perhaps a founder or leadership succession, or the conclusion of a project - are events onto which we often project all our preexisting feelings and ideas about endings and losses of all kinds. Organisational endings can be fraught with mixed and messy feelings of failure, relief, shame, pride, guilt, fear, hope and hopelessness. Not just for those involved directly - staff, trustees, volunteers and beneficiaries - but also for people in the organisation’s wider sector, its funders and partners. But like so many of the most difficult and sensitive topics, all too often we (or perhaps we mean: people of modern western cultures) find ourselves ill-equipped to navigate the discussions called for at moments of ending and rupture.

The Decelerator Hotline fields up to ten calls a week with people considering or planning organisational closures and other endings. A key way we provide support is to help people take a breath and interrogate how their expectations and assumptions about closure might be getting in the way of a better ending and a better future (check out this blog for more about what we think ‘better’ means). 

Everyday we see the costs of the negative connotations associated with organisations coming to an end, resulting in devastating consequences for missions, communities and people. These could mean that:

• If we fear something is a failure or will be perceived as one, we may avoid it at all costs. 

• If our identity is deeply interwoven with the story of an organisation, we might not be able to imagine letting it go because we fear we might lose ourselves in the process. 

• If we are terrified of the ‘blame game’ that will play out on social media or in our networks following an announcement, we’ll dig our heels in and cling on for dear life. 

• If we are paralysed by the feelings of loss associated with an ending, it can be very tempting to skip quickly into attributing blame and fail to see the richer learnings hidden within.

In each of these cases, the negative connotations of endings get in the way of us doing them well. Being driven by our negative ideas of endings can result in worse outcomes, ultimately - we kick problems down the line or keep them to ourselves and we hold back from putting all options on the table. In so doing we limit the choices, time and resources available for a good ending if - or when - the time eventually comes. 

How we respond to news of endings today can help us all reimagine a more regenerative, thriving and equitable future.

The Decelerator sees week in, week out, that even when an ending isn't the desired outcome, it can still be approached with ambition, strategy, and compassion. Endings can be orchestrated so that all the good and the learning that has come before isn’t flushed away overnight. Endings can respect individuals' dignity and treat all affected with consideration. Endings can cultivate shared learning that benefits not just those directly involved but entire sectors and everyone’s future endeavours. 

In order for better endings to happen, we need to tell better stories about the roles endings can play in cycles of change and the march of progress. If we take a deep breath and a step back, we can transform some of the negative ideas we have about organisations coming to a close into something that liberates and possibility for all involved:

It’s failure — It’s strategic 

It’s weak leadership — It’s strong leadership

It’s giving up and stepping away — It’s letting go and passing on

It’s a death — It’s creating new life and opportunities

It’s a defeat — It’s ambitious

It’s a waste — It’s an opportunity to redistribute energy, learning and talent* 

(*Inspired by some of Cassie Robinson’s writings through Stewarding Loss)

The Decelerator is on a mission to rewrite the stories we tell about endings, and in doing so transform the way we all perceive and approach them. So we are sharing a few things we’ve picked up so far which are good (and less good) to say in conversations about organisational endings. 

Here are some examples of things we’ve heard people say which reinforce the ‘endings as failure’ narrative. 

• “Perhaps I can find some more money, it’s probably still possible to save the day!”

• “I can’t believe that you / they didn’t see it coming.”

• “What a disaster!”

• “Is there anything else you / they could have done?”

• “It's all over now, isn't it?”

• “The trustees were ultimately in charge, so it must be their fault.”

• “How hopeless.”

• “Don’t worry about it too much. It’s all the fault of the funders, there’s nothing you could have done.”

• “Best not dwell on it. What's the next thing you are going to set your sights on?”

The Decelerator hears every day how unhelpful these comments can be. They underestimate the emotional impact and maximise the trivial blame game that all too often accompanies endings. Crucially, these statements close down conversations rather than opening them up. They can get in the way of more meaningful, nuanced and reflective conversations about the many different factors that are at play in endings and that we can all learn from if we take the time to listen carefully and respond thoughtfully. 

In much the same way you might offer immediate emotional solace to a bereaved friend and leave homemade food on their doorstep, when an organisational ending comes knocking on someone’s door, offering words of comfort and offering to do practical things is a good place to start: 

• “I imagine you feel all sorts of mixed emotions right now”

• “I'm here to listen if you need to talk.”

• “What have you done today / this week to look after yourself?”

• “I've seen a role that might be good for someone who was in your team, can I share it with them?”

• “It doesn't sound easy, but you seem to have done the best you could have in the circumstances.”

• “Your contributions have made a lasting impact.”

• “The way you are managing this is inspiring.”

• “You are showing such courage and strength in this challenge.”

• “I hope, when the time is right for you, I might be able to learn from you and the experience.”

• “What are the memories you’ll cherish? What are you most proud of?”

And in much the same way that a good friend will, in time, support a bereaved person to lift their head up, process their loss and look to the future, we can all do the same for people who have experienced an organisational ending as the dust settles:

• “What questions are you holding about what happened?”

• “How are all those who were affected doing now? Have staff been able to find jobs etc?”

• “What seeds can you see germinating from the ending? Can you see a legacy is bubbling up?”

• “I wonder what is drawing your attention or catching your eye as the dust settles?”

• “What do you wish you’d known at the start of your journey / organisation that others might benefit from hearing and learning from?”

• “Would you like to explore what opportunities this ending might be revealing or offering?”

We are grappling with how to navigate this period of immense change and loss, reframing the forthcoming endings not as mere temporary setbacks but as symptoms of larger structural shifts. It falls upon all of us to react with empathy, understanding, and a determination to glean insights from our losses. This approach will enable us all to confront what cannot be replaced, whether it be community assets, livelihoods, interconnected networks, or the seemingly intangible wealth of learned and lived wisdom. The Decelerator’s goal during these times is to guide organisations through a process akin to hospice care, mirroring the compassion and respect exemplified by palliative care nurses towards their patients.

Our belief is that together we can create a compassionate and supportive culture where endings are not feared but embraced as opportunities for true growth and renewal. 

We hope you found this useful and perhaps gave you some new words to try out next time you hear the news of an ending. We’d love to know what you have found valuable to hear or share during times of ending and transition. Please do share it in the comments below or get in touch with us via email. 

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This blog had input from The Decelerator crew including Louise Armstrong, Lily Piachaud, Max St John, Linda Craig and Josephine Knowles. And our collaborator across the Atlantic Ocean, Camille Acey, who coincidentally wrote something similar this week. And it was inspired by the many insights and experiences of the leaders we have the privilege of standing alongside through The Decelerator’s support work. 

Blog photos by Jonathan Kemper and Motoki Tonn via Unsplash